Pretenders

Have you ever just taken a good long look in the mirror, and realized that your insides and outsides aren’t matching at all?

Well, that was me today.

It was a long time coming. It is my last semester of college, and I have been burying myself so deep in it I am not very aware of it. In fact, I think I have been doing this for at least a year – realizing that sucked, but at least now I know. I have spent a very long time trying to make myself into something I am not. I have been acting blasé, and overconfident, and it’s killing my vibe. I am killing my own vibe here (facepalm).

I didn’t really notice any of this fully before today, because today marks the first day I have ever been asked to leave a job. I wasn’t a slacker or crap, I simply wasn’t a good fit and it wasn’t good for business. Now, I am left with no job, three months left before I move across the globe, and no savings. Oops.

I have spent a lot of time pretending to be this do-it-all, good-at-everything person. I have faked it too much and ended up not making it this time around. Part of my dad’s reply to my telling him about losing my job fit the bill well: “Don’t pretend like you’re something you aren’t. Instead, embrace who you are.” And I cried. He knew what was going on before I did. He also reminded me of the importance of being humble, which is something I am working on. He also reminded me to come back down from whatever cloud I was sailing on. Gotta keep at least one foot home, and present.

Here’s to turning new leaves,

Marta

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