be the one who chooses to care.
I have been struggling with the notion of “caring” a lot lately. Maybe it’s because of all the stupid rules that are imposed in our day to day social interactions or because being casual is cool. I have been vocal about how playing-it-cool cramps my style. It is fake, insincere, and takes a lot of work. However, there are times when I see my ego get in the way and it makes me do the very things that I have been against.
I obviously step back when that happens and reconsider my actions–correct them if I have to. But it leaves me a position that makes me feel like a cling on, overbearing, and even desperate.
I was watching blue valentine last week (terribly depressing but worth a watch) and the notion of “cold love” kept coming up again and again. I think how the characters were feeling, one trying too hard and the other not reciprocating, is the way I can describe how I feel about the casualness with which people handle friendships and relationships.
Maybe I am not even a cling on, maybe just the fact that I care and that I reach out feels a lot in itself. As if, I’ve overstepped a boundary that I was supposed to maintain.
What I don’t understand is, why would someone go to lengths to make it evident that the other person is not important? Doesn’t that take a lot more effort than to just send them a message asking them how they’re doing?
Love and light,