From the up and down and all the way around string of posts I’ve written, I have forgotten to be one very important thing, and that is being vulnerably honest. The truth is, I try to make life into something more than what it actually is, but not in a good way. I have created ideals and rationales for why things are the way they are. I have not allowed myself to just feel the raw elements of daily life.
This, my friends, is a disservice to myself, and yourself if you have done the same.
In my head, things need to be a certain way. I don’t know where or how I came to start thinking like this again, but I did. I began to scrutinize every decision I make. Heck, I have even gotten upset and angry at people I love just because something around me wasn’t what I idealized it into.
Right now, I am not exactly living with my choices, and my choices were not terrible. They just weren’t the right ones for me right now, but I get to live with them. No point in looking back now – gotta keep moving forward. By idealizing life, I have made myself into a fearful, confidence-lacking, near hopeless fool. I have forgotten and walked away from the truth of life. In doing that, I have lived a small lie; not on purpose, but still a false perception.
So what if I am not in love with my day-to-day situation? Keep going. If humans are good at anything, it is a fierce instinct to survive. I won’t die because of what I am doing now. I’ll be a little down-trodden, but I will live. Make the best of right now, and in time, say yes to the opportunities that come my way. As for my goals? They are in the future, not the past. I can still work toward what I actually want in time.
I hope you understood this late night rant,