I’ve always had the bad habit of trying to please everyone around me before even thinking of myself. Yes, that sounds like I’m just super nice, but this way of operating isn’t as great as an idealist might think. It’s hard work, making others happy, especially since it is so often at the expense of your own happiness, which is what it has been in my case more often that not. So I’ve been planning.
Today, after finally getting fed up with being at school and being surrounded by negative vibes, I decided to stay home for the night. I wanted to be with people who genuinely care about me, and I wanted to be someplace that was welcoming. School has been suffocating, and I think I’ve realized a few things:
1) Being and RA is great, but it really isn’t for me.
2) I go to school for an education, not much else. I’m getting out of here early for a reason.
3) I’ve been losing sight of my own passions and values, and there is very little outlet for me on campus.
These are all just thoughts. They might change tomorrow. Who knows. But it feels so liberating to let myself make decisions about my own life.