Surrounded by 15 Year Old Angst

It it my most fearful encounter that I face today, as I am home, eating more food than I should, and wearing the bummiest clothing I have: my house is full of 15 year old boys and girls.

There are remnants of ravaged pizza boxes.
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There are far too many half-full soda cans.
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There is more sugar than I should ever consume at my disposal.
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This… this is my sister’s birthday party. Let’s get supah crazy (i.e. slightly insane and possibly a little nostalgic… nahhhhh).

With my sister’s birthday just days before my birthday, it gets me in a reflective mood. I know that we are always getting older, but it astounds me still to see how much we change over time. When I was my sister’s age, five years ago, I was light years away from where and who I am now. Yesterday, this kind of hit me: we will always be simply wanderers in this life. College makes me feel pretty lost, and for a while, I’ve thought that you have to be ‘found’ in order to find true contentment. But I, of all people, who doesn’t even have a hometown, or some other place to really call home, should have figured that out by now.

We never truly settle, not if we are interested in living out our lives fully and improving ourselves along the way, absorbing whatever life throws our way. There is no moment of being ‘found’, there is only more experience. I feel unsettled sometimes when I can’t really define where I am from, or what exactly my plan is once I’m out of school, but I think that is the most valuable lesson to get out of life: shit happens, crazy awesome shit, and we are always growing and learning and changing with it. Just go with it. Life is about experiencing all the crazy ups and downs it offers. It is about time that I learn to accept that.

-Marta

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