I have a lot of friends. I do. Thats what I am good at, connecting with people and going as deep as possible. I know that I attract people when they need a shoulder to cry on, or need a laugh or just rant about how horrible their day was. And I have no problem with that. I gloat when someone trusts me enough to share the bad sides of them, the dark thoughts hidden in them.
But its a fact that it can get exhausting – emotionally and mentally. And there comes a moment when its all too much and I just want to sit in my room and shut down. These times are the worst because my brain comes up with all these seriously horrible thoughts about the people I am closest too. My brain does this thing wherein it targets the thing my friends are suffering from the most and turn it into the most undesirable quality. In the moment, I truly hate and despise the person I am thinking about but then I sleep on it or shake it out and realize how ridiculous my thoughts are.
This is what I am most scared about. Its been bothering me for years now. But I’m learning how to deal with it, I am realizing that being self aware of such thoughts is a fight enough.
Thank you for listening to me, I hope this gives you a reason to fight your demons.
Love and light,